Letter to my Wife

The biggest thing to happen to us happened just 2 nights ago, 5 months into our marriage. Wednesday night, the revelation came as a shock to us, totally unexpected. We were going for routine checkup for our first baby. He or she was to reach the second trimester, where we thought things will become easier, the so-called "honeymoon" period of pregnancy. Instead our gynae Dr. Koh dropped bad news on us. Baby was suffering from a condition called hygroma with many genetic complications and limbs wise were not fully developed. That was all we know that night. Dr Koh sent us for a second opinion at Thomson. He didn't have much hope of a better diagnosis, but to be fair to the baby we went. I struggled much with what to do. Qiaoli broke down in the taxi and that night, she could not sleep at all. Thursday morning was worse. The ultrasound scan was even more detailed and indeed showed our baby with multiple fetal abnormalities. We asked, "Is it fatal"? To which we got a straight reply "Yes". Once the doctor got out of room, Qiaoli broke down again. It was too much for her to take. For some reason I did not cry. I needed to be strong. We went back Dr. Koh this time with Pastor with us to hear things straight from the doctor. I did not want to make a wrong decision, but Dr. Koh was clear. Medically for the baby, he advised abortion. He had refrained using the word last night while we were still shocked with the news. This time, with two doctors' opinions, he made it clear to us - strongly discouraging qiaoli to continue this pregnancy. It was so painful. We told our parents the news and they were supportive. Nonetheless it was hard for us. That night, we cried together on the sofa. That night we sang songs on our bed. "It is well with my soul", "What a Friend we have in Jesus". God is with us, God is with us. We don't know why this has to happen to us, but He is with us through it all. To my wife: You have been so strong. This pregnancy has caused so much fear for us - the late ovulation, the spotting which require weekly jabs, and now this. You are carrying the baby alone while I can only look. You have done your best and this is God's will - we need not blame ourselves. I pray for peace and strength as we go through this together. We have no idea why this happened to us, but God is always good. At no point - no even when Dr. Koh broke the news to us - did he reject us. His love is everlasting and he does not withdraw it from us. We know it from the cross. If he sent Jesus to die for us, the last thing we can accuse him of is that he doesn't care. If God did not spare His own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Rom 8:32) He has promised good to us, with the cross the first installment of that goodness. We don't know how this will turn for good, but it will. It brought us closer together. It brought us to cry together and depend on each other for support and know we cannot do without each other. It brought us to trust in God when things did not go our way. It brought us to praise him not only in prosperity but also in adversity. The same night we cried on sofa, that same night we sang "Bless the Lord O my soul". Jesus died, so that the only suffering that can really hurt us, is removed. No other suffering can hurt us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.(Rom 8:35-37) They will only be tools for God to mould us for our good, to refine our faith until it is precious & valuable & genuine unto salvation. Therefore be strong my wife, I will be here with you. God will be here, sympathizing, understanding every suffering we go through. God will shower blessings upon us at his own timing. We shall see our child again in heaven. I love you, be strong my dear.