This church camp at Thistle hotel brought tears to both Q and I.
I was really upset that she seemed to be spending time with her sisters and leaving me out of it. I was always finding out what she's doing from people around me and not directly from her. Every day we barely talked a few sentences. Even when she's changing rooms, or not coming to sessions, I don't know it, and keep wondering where she is, enjoying herself without me. All this happened while I was frustrated with the level of 'fellowship' shown with the guys, which, as usual is all play and no talk. I have come to a point where I will just let it be, and won't expect a lot. The only thing I really enjoyed is my talks with Bro Pulesi. And the thought of returning to school for FYP after a not so enjoyable trip frustrated me further.
So I gave Q a very cold long face that night I saw her. She was with her sisters in a new room that I just found out. Even later that night, I found out she was playing boardgames with other bro and sisters, without inviting me. I was really upset and wanted to stay in my room to play PS3. I went anyway, when E asked me along. Why is it not my girlfriend who think of me, to spend time with them? I cannot understand. I guess Q was just distracted and did not have me in mind. I went over, and when she saw me, I didn't want to look her in the face. In my mind I was thinking, "So you are enjoying all these without asking me." After a while, I have no mood to play, so I returned to my room.
Next morning, Q sensed something wrong and came to apologize to me and sat with me, at the expense of her sisters complaining about it. I know it is very hard for her to choose, and I don't need her to sit with me. Just treat me normally, talk to me like a couple does, and occasionally appear in front of others as a couple. However, I was unhappy throughout the whole camp we are behaving like singles, and in my case even like normal bro and sis when I don't know what she's doing.
The unhappiness built up in me til the last day. I really cannot take it when she left the bus with her sisters, and I was behind. I thought she would wait for me. So again, I gave her a very black face and complained. Q broke down and cried. We walked away and reached a Nonya restaurant after some time. Even over there, she added to my frustration by not replying properly whether she wished to eat there.
Over there I heard her side of story. I had not communicated my displeasure to her properly and instead showed it by my facial expressions. I also did not tell her why I'm actually unhappy during camp so she thought I was alright. I had expected her to come to me. I think I really wanted her to put my first and test her whether she could do that. Q actually has a good heart for her sisters, and I am not helping her by being like this. Q also said I was not sensitive to her needs and did not protect her.
We patched up at Jonker street. However, on the way home on bus, Q came and told me that she might take a bus halfway home. I replied, "Okay, thanks for informing." I meant it as a joke but obviously to her she thought it was sarcastic, as if I am bringing up what happened. I was being thoughtless with my words. Q was so affected that right after we reached TCPC she left alone in a cab. I still thought nothing was wrong and let her go home herself. Deep down she expected me as bf to bring her home. I was being unsensitive to her.
I realized something was wrong when she did not pick up my calls. She said she was hurt and disappointed by me the last 3 years, and I did not learn from my mistakes at all. If I couldn't do simple things for her, I can't do bigger things. I tried saying sorry but it was no use. I knew I needed to change. Q said she was considering giving up the r/s because I keep hurting her emotionally. I immediately went to her house and we talked after some time. Thank God for allowing us to reconcile. It was not a very happy camp, but at least God taught both of us lessons we would remember. It will always be messy with 2 sinners come together. We will always be hurt time and again, but if we truly love each other, we will stick together no matter what in faithfulness.
My prayer:
Lord, help me to be sensitive to Q's needs and protect her when necessary. Help me not to be self-centered and in my own world but see and feel what's she's feeling. Forgive me that I have not loved her sacrificially and have done little things for her. Forgive me I have taken her for granted many times, and treated her unkindly and with vengeful spirit. Help me to communicate well with her and take the initiative to talk things out.
What I hope to see Q change:
1. Spend more time with me as a couple in front of others
2. Be more gentle in speech even when she is angry
3. Not to put ministry above me
4. Spend more time doing activities with me
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
A Mess Worth Making?
That's the title of one of Paul Tripp's book. It was referring to relationships, a mess worth making. I hadn't read that book yet (maybe in future), but right now, in fact, after every quarrel, it just doesn't seem to be true. It seems not worth having such a mess.
So I quarreled with Q today again. I fell asleep while at her house, twice in a week, and she was upset and refused to talk to me while on our way to Charis in church. It really frustrates me that often this happens. She would give no thought to the impact of her ignoring me, on my teaching, and having to last through two hours without her support. I really felt sian to teach. And often before I have to teach, we have to quarrel. I went through the teaching anyway today, by God's grace, but visibly Q was in no mood to participate. At one point she very impatiently asked, "Read where?" when I asked her to read. I didn't feel she was there to support me at all. I felt very discouraged.
After everything, I tried to talk to her. It always frustrates me that I have to be the one to give in, though sometimes I think it's not entirely my fault and that she has over-thought things or was over-sensitive. I really felt like refusing to give in, because always giving in might only result in her getting more self-centered, and thinking it is alright to be like this (ignoring me) everytime. Q seldom says sorry after a quarrel (almost never), and I am always the one to do so. It sometimes make me wonder why there is so much pride in her, that even after saying sorry she will take very long to finally agree to forgive. Shouldn't Christians be quick to forgive?
What discouraged me even more is that she commented that she found it hard to hear me teach or go to church because of me. I still don't quite get what she mean, but it is definitely very hurting to hear that. At Parkway she told me to go home and stop following her. I hung around a while thinking through what had happened. After a while I called her, thinking that perhaps she might have felt better to talk. But when I went back, she still gave that long and black face, and refused to say anything when I asked her what to eat. She said that I don't know what she want. Yet by not telling me so, she is not helping at all. We finally talked at Banquet.
I listened, and do agree that I need to be less uptight with my work. I need to also listen and be more sensitive to her. What I cannot agree is how she keep bringing up the fact that I fell asleep at her house, since I don't do that often, and the last time was because I really wanted to meet her though I was tired. I felt though she keep saying she will support me, it wasn't the case. If I have a choice, definitely I won't want to do my tedious lab work! It is hard to have to face lab work, and come back still she does not truly understand or support me.
Yes, I need to be less uptight, but praying for me will help me. In fact, I think things are already slightly better than a few weeks ago.
Our miscommunication is a result of us wanting to have it our own ways. And when it doesn't happen, we flare up and get frustrated. It saddened me that Q cannot bear with my tiredness. Love is about bearing all things (1 Cor 13), especially when she knows I have no bad intention - I certainly did not intend to sleep, but to enjoy good company with her! I also hope she can be more forgiving and not always dwell on these things.
Tomorrow is the eve of her birthday. At the rate things are going, I'm not sure if she wants to talk tomorrow. I have some things planned for her. Not fantastic, maybe boring to her, but I did it out of love. I hope things get better tomorrow, and when she has cooled down, we can talk and pray over what to change.
Relationship is a mess because you are putting two sinful people together, and they both want their own ways. But it is a mess worth making, when God rescues us from ourselves. May we repent.
So I quarreled with Q today again. I fell asleep while at her house, twice in a week, and she was upset and refused to talk to me while on our way to Charis in church. It really frustrates me that often this happens. She would give no thought to the impact of her ignoring me, on my teaching, and having to last through two hours without her support. I really felt sian to teach. And often before I have to teach, we have to quarrel. I went through the teaching anyway today, by God's grace, but visibly Q was in no mood to participate. At one point she very impatiently asked, "Read where?" when I asked her to read. I didn't feel she was there to support me at all. I felt very discouraged.
After everything, I tried to talk to her. It always frustrates me that I have to be the one to give in, though sometimes I think it's not entirely my fault and that she has over-thought things or was over-sensitive. I really felt like refusing to give in, because always giving in might only result in her getting more self-centered, and thinking it is alright to be like this (ignoring me) everytime. Q seldom says sorry after a quarrel (almost never), and I am always the one to do so. It sometimes make me wonder why there is so much pride in her, that even after saying sorry she will take very long to finally agree to forgive. Shouldn't Christians be quick to forgive?
What discouraged me even more is that she commented that she found it hard to hear me teach or go to church because of me. I still don't quite get what she mean, but it is definitely very hurting to hear that. At Parkway she told me to go home and stop following her. I hung around a while thinking through what had happened. After a while I called her, thinking that perhaps she might have felt better to talk. But when I went back, she still gave that long and black face, and refused to say anything when I asked her what to eat. She said that I don't know what she want. Yet by not telling me so, she is not helping at all. We finally talked at Banquet.
I listened, and do agree that I need to be less uptight with my work. I need to also listen and be more sensitive to her. What I cannot agree is how she keep bringing up the fact that I fell asleep at her house, since I don't do that often, and the last time was because I really wanted to meet her though I was tired. I felt though she keep saying she will support me, it wasn't the case. If I have a choice, definitely I won't want to do my tedious lab work! It is hard to have to face lab work, and come back still she does not truly understand or support me.
Yes, I need to be less uptight, but praying for me will help me. In fact, I think things are already slightly better than a few weeks ago.
Our miscommunication is a result of us wanting to have it our own ways. And when it doesn't happen, we flare up and get frustrated. It saddened me that Q cannot bear with my tiredness. Love is about bearing all things (1 Cor 13), especially when she knows I have no bad intention - I certainly did not intend to sleep, but to enjoy good company with her! I also hope she can be more forgiving and not always dwell on these things.
Tomorrow is the eve of her birthday. At the rate things are going, I'm not sure if she wants to talk tomorrow. I have some things planned for her. Not fantastic, maybe boring to her, but I did it out of love. I hope things get better tomorrow, and when she has cooled down, we can talk and pray over what to change.
Relationship is a mess because you are putting two sinful people together, and they both want their own ways. But it is a mess worth making, when God rescues us from ourselves. May we repent.
Friday, September 30, 2011
What Counts?
We men are always looking for things that count. Christian or not, all of us seek for some sort of meaning, to find fulfilment in popularity, money, work, family etc. As Christians we may think that we have finally found what truly counts in the One who is the Truth, the Way and the Life, yet in Galatians the Apostle Paul thinks that many have missed the point.
Hear what he says:
The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Gal 5:6) and again,
What counts is a new creation (6:15).
Paul was speaking to a group of Christians who have missed the point of the gospel. In fact, this error is so serious Paul is practically condemning them for believing in another gospel which is no gospel at all! As they rely on their own works of observing the festivals and days (4:10) and circumcision, they have effectively nullified the cross of Christ, and the work of the Spirit. Paul called them fools, to have begun with faith and the Spirit, to now turn to themselves.
As Christians we need to realize that no part of our lives can be lived independently from God. The moral person in the church might well be the most independent of God, as he strives in his own strength. The author of Hebrews writes, "Without faith it is impossible to please God". The Christian life commences, continues and concludes by faith. The Christian is to rely on God's mercy by faith, and only then is the new reality of the Spirit-filled life open to him. He is truly free.
The Galatians are a group of people who are confused about their freedom. They are free in Christ, yet enslave themselves to useless festivals and observances of the law. They are bound by the law of the Spirit to love one another, yet use their freedom to "indulge in sinful nature" (6:13) and "bite and devour each other" (Gal 5:13).
Paul provides the correction: You are now to forgo these things of no spiritual value. You are now to live life bearing the fruit of the Spirit, especially that of love. That's what he means by faith working through love. That's what it means by a new creation, a new heart. That's what counts in the end.
Hear what he says:
The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Gal 5:6) and again,
What counts is a new creation (6:15).
Paul was speaking to a group of Christians who have missed the point of the gospel. In fact, this error is so serious Paul is practically condemning them for believing in another gospel which is no gospel at all! As they rely on their own works of observing the festivals and days (4:10) and circumcision, they have effectively nullified the cross of Christ, and the work of the Spirit. Paul called them fools, to have begun with faith and the Spirit, to now turn to themselves.
As Christians we need to realize that no part of our lives can be lived independently from God. The moral person in the church might well be the most independent of God, as he strives in his own strength. The author of Hebrews writes, "Without faith it is impossible to please God". The Christian life commences, continues and concludes by faith. The Christian is to rely on God's mercy by faith, and only then is the new reality of the Spirit-filled life open to him. He is truly free.
The Galatians are a group of people who are confused about their freedom. They are free in Christ, yet enslave themselves to useless festivals and observances of the law. They are bound by the law of the Spirit to love one another, yet use their freedom to "indulge in sinful nature" (6:13) and "bite and devour each other" (Gal 5:13).
Paul provides the correction: You are now to forgo these things of no spiritual value. You are now to live life bearing the fruit of the Spirit, especially that of love. That's what he means by faith working through love. That's what it means by a new creation, a new heart. That's what counts in the end.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Defeating Immorality with the Gospel (1 Cor 6:12-20)
We went through two weeks of examining what a marriage relationship should be like:
Ephesians 5:22-33 Marriage reflects the ultimate reality of Christ and the church
Hebrews 13:4 Purity in marriage
God's plan for marriage is for it to be absolutely pure and holy. In Scripture it is said that God is so pure that His eyes cannot look upon evil. Thus it is said in Hebrews that the marriage bed must be undefiled, or else judgment awaits us - those who are adulterers and sexually immoral. The promise of judgment ought to cause us to tremble and take care of ourselves, that we do not fall into the hands of God the consuming fire! Yet how many people, men and women, have dared to toy with and destroy this plan of God? It is an incredibly difficult age to live in and still be sexually pure - with fatal attractions all around us constantly.
Yet what can we do? Often it is said that we can do several things, such as avoid places of temptations, not using the computer behind closed doors, not being alone with the opposite sex etc. All these are good. We tend to ask what we can do and we ask for practical rules to follow, but one thing we must recognize is that we will definitely fail when left to ourselves. Rules do not have power in themselves, and they will prove to be less attractive when temptation presents itself. A better question than "What should I do?" is actually "What has God done for me?" The real power to defeat temptations is not in the things we can do or the tight rules we keep (as good as they may be), but in the Gospel, what God had already done for us. It is this meditation and deep appreciation and internalization of the Gospel, as Paul teaches in 1 Cor 6:12-20, that has true power to combat sexual immorality.
So consider the reasons Paul says we ought to flee sexual immorality - these are reasons firmly grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
1. The body is not meant for sexual immorality but for holy use for the Lord (v13)
2. God will raise us up with glorious bodies one day (v14)
3. Our bodies are members of Christ (v15)
4. Our bodies are joined to the Lord in one spirit, not to the prostitute (v17)
5. Sexually immoral person sins against his own body, which is temple of Holy Spirit (v19)
6. Our bodies belong to God; we are bought with a price (v20).
It is surprising that in these verses, Paul did not lay down any so-called 'practical rules' to flee. You just simply flee, and it is possible to do so once your mind is full of Christ and once we understand the extent that Christ has died for us to redeem us and our bodies for holy purposes, and the price that He had to pay. Our bodies are not ours to use for our sinful passions. In fact, our bodies house the Holy Spirit, and to sin with our bodies is to grieve Him. Once we understand all these, we are liberated to use our bodies to glorify God (v20).
The most practical way to defeat temptations is to saturate our minds with the Gospel - what Christ has done for us already. That's what Paul wants us to do more than anything else. In the Gospel lies the true power to defeat sin. Through the Gospel, God saves us and changes us, hell-bent and hell-deserving adulterers into men and women who would be kept pure for Him, out of a gracious response to Christ and the Spirit working in them. No one has ever kept God's perfect standard of purity, not even David, the man after God's heart. But here is the good news Paul wants us to know:
"Such were some of you (sexually immoral). But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Cor 6:11).
It is my prayer that Qiao and I will love and live by the Word of God daily. The Word will prevent us from sin, when we realize we love God supremely more than any other attractions in the world. In the light of Christ, the things of this world will grow strangely dim. In the radiance of the Gospel, the Enemy has no chance to tempt us.
Ephesians 5:22-33 Marriage reflects the ultimate reality of Christ and the church
Hebrews 13:4 Purity in marriage
God's plan for marriage is for it to be absolutely pure and holy. In Scripture it is said that God is so pure that His eyes cannot look upon evil. Thus it is said in Hebrews that the marriage bed must be undefiled, or else judgment awaits us - those who are adulterers and sexually immoral. The promise of judgment ought to cause us to tremble and take care of ourselves, that we do not fall into the hands of God the consuming fire! Yet how many people, men and women, have dared to toy with and destroy this plan of God? It is an incredibly difficult age to live in and still be sexually pure - with fatal attractions all around us constantly.
Yet what can we do? Often it is said that we can do several things, such as avoid places of temptations, not using the computer behind closed doors, not being alone with the opposite sex etc. All these are good. We tend to ask what we can do and we ask for practical rules to follow, but one thing we must recognize is that we will definitely fail when left to ourselves. Rules do not have power in themselves, and they will prove to be less attractive when temptation presents itself. A better question than "What should I do?" is actually "What has God done for me?" The real power to defeat temptations is not in the things we can do or the tight rules we keep (as good as they may be), but in the Gospel, what God had already done for us. It is this meditation and deep appreciation and internalization of the Gospel, as Paul teaches in 1 Cor 6:12-20, that has true power to combat sexual immorality.
So consider the reasons Paul says we ought to flee sexual immorality - these are reasons firmly grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
1. The body is not meant for sexual immorality but for holy use for the Lord (v13)
2. God will raise us up with glorious bodies one day (v14)
3. Our bodies are members of Christ (v15)
4. Our bodies are joined to the Lord in one spirit, not to the prostitute (v17)
5. Sexually immoral person sins against his own body, which is temple of Holy Spirit (v19)
6. Our bodies belong to God; we are bought with a price (v20).
It is surprising that in these verses, Paul did not lay down any so-called 'practical rules' to flee. You just simply flee, and it is possible to do so once your mind is full of Christ and once we understand the extent that Christ has died for us to redeem us and our bodies for holy purposes, and the price that He had to pay. Our bodies are not ours to use for our sinful passions. In fact, our bodies house the Holy Spirit, and to sin with our bodies is to grieve Him. Once we understand all these, we are liberated to use our bodies to glorify God (v20).
The most practical way to defeat temptations is to saturate our minds with the Gospel - what Christ has done for us already. That's what Paul wants us to do more than anything else. In the Gospel lies the true power to defeat sin. Through the Gospel, God saves us and changes us, hell-bent and hell-deserving adulterers into men and women who would be kept pure for Him, out of a gracious response to Christ and the Spirit working in them. No one has ever kept God's perfect standard of purity, not even David, the man after God's heart. But here is the good news Paul wants us to know:
"Such were some of you (sexually immoral). But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Cor 6:11).
It is my prayer that Qiao and I will love and live by the Word of God daily. The Word will prevent us from sin, when we realize we love God supremely more than any other attractions in the world. In the light of Christ, the things of this world will grow strangely dim. In the radiance of the Gospel, the Enemy has no chance to tempt us.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
What the Gospel Say and Do to You
The Gospel helps us to realize:
1. You're not that good.
That's the first message of the gospel: we are saved utterly by the grace of God. Even our faith is a gift of God (Eph 2:8-9). Our best works are but splendid sins. Grace is not just a formulaic Christiany word - it means that all that you are now is possible only because Someone did it for you, and died for you, undeservedly. You got something, in fact everything (Eph 1:3), that you did not deserve in the first place. Grace is the reason why you may approach a holy God and not be terrified or struck dead. Grace is the reason why a Christian must mortify his proud self, to stand at the foot of the cross of his Crucified Savior, and "pour contempt on all [his] pride."
2. You're not god.
The gospel tells us we are not supreme, though we act as though we are everyday, without reference and deference to the One who makes nations rise and fall, the One who could destroy both body and soul. We will face death if we go the way of the First Adam, to see things with our own independent wisdom, which is really demonic wisdom. Rather, we must follow the Second Adam, from whom the "free gift of righteousness reign in life" (Rom 5:17), one who could perfectly follow God who alone deserved to be worshipped. We were made to worship the true God who has graciously revealed Himself, and our bellies (Phil 3:19) and sinful appetites must not stand in the way.
3. You're not alone.
The wonderful news of the gospel is that you are saved into a community (Eph 3:6). You have a new family. You are part of a body where your Savior is the head. Yes, together with all the imperfect people and hypocrites like you. They are there and they are God's means to bring you to heaven. So don't try to solve everything yourself. Confide and confess to one another (Jas 5:16). You know you need their help, because sin is just too deceitful (Heb 3:13), and they will help you see yourself clearer. They will also be there together with you worshipping the Lamb of God (Rev 7).
4. You're not there yet.
Nobody is a 'grace graduate', so beware of complacency. Even Apostle Paul must "strain forward to what lies ahead" (Phil 3:14). There is always room to grow in grace. You need God's grace no matter where your maturity stands, or how much church service you do. You cannot watch and pray enough. Keep striving, keep loving, keep reading, keep forgiving, keep working out your salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12) until you reach heaven. Sanctify me by Thy Word (John 17:17).
5. You're not lost.
The gospel is carried out by a powerful God who will keep you powerfully in your faith (1 Pet 1:5). The Father chose you, the Son redeemed you, the Spirit sealed you. No one can snatch you out of your Father's and Christ's hand. The schemes of the devil, the passions of the flesh and the course of the world are unable to sway you away from your loving Shepherd. No persecution and no heresies can lead you astray. You will conquer and eat the tree of life (Rev 2:7), because you are more than conquerors through Him who loved you (Rom 8:37).
1. You're not that good.
That's the first message of the gospel: we are saved utterly by the grace of God. Even our faith is a gift of God (Eph 2:8-9). Our best works are but splendid sins. Grace is not just a formulaic Christiany word - it means that all that you are now is possible only because Someone did it for you, and died for you, undeservedly. You got something, in fact everything (Eph 1:3), that you did not deserve in the first place. Grace is the reason why you may approach a holy God and not be terrified or struck dead. Grace is the reason why a Christian must mortify his proud self, to stand at the foot of the cross of his Crucified Savior, and "pour contempt on all [his] pride."
2. You're not god.
The gospel tells us we are not supreme, though we act as though we are everyday, without reference and deference to the One who makes nations rise and fall, the One who could destroy both body and soul. We will face death if we go the way of the First Adam, to see things with our own independent wisdom, which is really demonic wisdom. Rather, we must follow the Second Adam, from whom the "free gift of righteousness reign in life" (Rom 5:17), one who could perfectly follow God who alone deserved to be worshipped. We were made to worship the true God who has graciously revealed Himself, and our bellies (Phil 3:19) and sinful appetites must not stand in the way.
3. You're not alone.
The wonderful news of the gospel is that you are saved into a community (Eph 3:6). You have a new family. You are part of a body where your Savior is the head. Yes, together with all the imperfect people and hypocrites like you. They are there and they are God's means to bring you to heaven. So don't try to solve everything yourself. Confide and confess to one another (Jas 5:16). You know you need their help, because sin is just too deceitful (Heb 3:13), and they will help you see yourself clearer. They will also be there together with you worshipping the Lamb of God (Rev 7).
4. You're not there yet.
Nobody is a 'grace graduate', so beware of complacency. Even Apostle Paul must "strain forward to what lies ahead" (Phil 3:14). There is always room to grow in grace. You need God's grace no matter where your maturity stands, or how much church service you do. You cannot watch and pray enough. Keep striving, keep loving, keep reading, keep forgiving, keep working out your salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12) until you reach heaven. Sanctify me by Thy Word (John 17:17).
5. You're not lost.
The gospel is carried out by a powerful God who will keep you powerfully in your faith (1 Pet 1:5). The Father chose you, the Son redeemed you, the Spirit sealed you. No one can snatch you out of your Father's and Christ's hand. The schemes of the devil, the passions of the flesh and the course of the world are unable to sway you away from your loving Shepherd. No persecution and no heresies can lead you astray. You will conquer and eat the tree of life (Rev 2:7), because you are more than conquerors through Him who loved you (Rom 8:37).
Monday, August 1, 2011
Reflections on Ban Orn trip 24 - 31 July 2011
Mission trip to Ban Orn was wonderful. There was work to be done, and I was pleasantly surprised at the free time we had to rest too. It wasn't like China, where the action is thick and fast, and teaching the Word in Chinese throughout was really exhausting. This trip I had the privilege to come in as a participant. Too often have I served as leader of camps or committees, and this is a welcome break. I was a doer, not a thinker. I prepared toilet rolls, carried heavy boxes, tied raffia strings, set up curtains and awaited instructions from the leaders. And I loved it. I enjoyed doing the Medical ministry, and felt it was a very good and tangible way to show the love of Christ. More things could be done for evangelism, but all in all it was good.
The villagers who came were smiling at my attempts to speak Thai. Kun chi ah rai? (What's your name?) Ayou tao rai? (How old are you?) Puat ti nai? (Where is your pain?) On occasions I had to do hand actions and point to different parts of my body. It was funny and they laughed. The smiles were priceless. They came, took the medicines and were prayed for. I think they had a very positive view of our work there. We laughed at the funny names that Chris wrote. "Shang Pain" was one of the names. In my mind I was thinking, "受伤 and in pain?!" I burst out laughing together with Sarah and the rest. Sometimes I served biscuits. I didn't know how to tell them to take more biscuits. So I went "Nerng? Soong? Saam? Sii? etc" until one of them took at least seven.
Then we met Thai people who could speak English! And they didn't struggle with English, they spoke PERFECT English. One of them was a Pastor who looked like any ordinary farmer, and said he learnt English from a customer in his cafe shop. I had a really good time chatting with him. But I can't remember his name though. Then there was Boon Mee, the dude who was cutting hair at the barber, and he too spoke great English. As we left the village, I waved him goodbye. To my surprise he remembered my name and shouted "Goodbye Derrick!" That too was priceless. I guess I may never meet these wonderful folks again. But my slight hope is that perhaps I can return, and perhaps, perhaps, they would still remember me despite the short time of interaction. At night back in the mission house I prayed for them. I don't know much about their lives. They had names, they had faces, and I just prayed that God would powerfully keep them in their faith. I hope to see them in heaven, if not in this life.
Sometimes we had free time to play volleyball and soccer at church. The church girls were really very good at volleyball. It was extremely fun and challenging that they can play as well as guys like me. Actually much better. I still remember some of their names: Cet, Mai, Ah Jit. The soccer kids too: Ah Kan, Ben, Gwee, Nat. They are really a carefree bunch. Village life is really simple. We wondered what they did at night, but probably they have nothing much other than their television, and they probably slept early too. I missed all the breath-taking views - the mountains, the mud, the padi fields, the river streams, the boars, the cows. There was so little cement around. On my spiritual retreat I took a good 20 minutes to tour a part of the village. It was beautiful and tranquil, like the Shire in Lord of the Rings. Sometimes the sun shone through the clouds to create beautiful orange shades on the massive mountains. It was breathtaking.
Then there were the faithful folks in the Singapore team. Always nice to hear Auntie Siew Moey sing Chinese songs. "除你以外，在天上我还能有谁？" Such faithfulness and joy in the Lord. Auntie Foong Fun won Caring Mother award for such care for her daughter. The unwavering service of Nantarat and Pracha are also very inspiring. Dr Eugene's hard work in ministering to patients with no complaints, full of joy is also something to learn. The team was also surprisingly easy to relate to - very very Singaporean speaking Singlish and all the common jokes, as though we already knew each other beforehand. Ah, not to forget the ridiculous Hangman on Gracie's phone that we played at the back of the truck. Htwooh. Zeroklas. Birdy. Even Somchai's name appeared.
Then it was time to wave goodbye to everyone. I still owe Nat his cap that I lost to the wind's brute strength while on the truck. I'll buy him one if I can go back. Back in Singapore, I missed the simple life and people over at Ban Orn. I couldn't stand it when I was in my room this morning, so I went out to cycle, all the way to East Coast Park, where I did my quiet time, by the beach, by the wind, all alone, and prayed. It was the closest thing to Ban Orn I could find here.
The villagers who came were smiling at my attempts to speak Thai. Kun chi ah rai? (What's your name?) Ayou tao rai? (How old are you?) Puat ti nai? (Where is your pain?) On occasions I had to do hand actions and point to different parts of my body. It was funny and they laughed. The smiles were priceless. They came, took the medicines and were prayed for. I think they had a very positive view of our work there. We laughed at the funny names that Chris wrote. "Shang Pain" was one of the names. In my mind I was thinking, "受伤 and in pain?!" I burst out laughing together with Sarah and the rest. Sometimes I served biscuits. I didn't know how to tell them to take more biscuits. So I went "Nerng? Soong? Saam? Sii? etc" until one of them took at least seven.
Then we met Thai people who could speak English! And they didn't struggle with English, they spoke PERFECT English. One of them was a Pastor who looked like any ordinary farmer, and said he learnt English from a customer in his cafe shop. I had a really good time chatting with him. But I can't remember his name though. Then there was Boon Mee, the dude who was cutting hair at the barber, and he too spoke great English. As we left the village, I waved him goodbye. To my surprise he remembered my name and shouted "Goodbye Derrick!" That too was priceless. I guess I may never meet these wonderful folks again. But my slight hope is that perhaps I can return, and perhaps, perhaps, they would still remember me despite the short time of interaction. At night back in the mission house I prayed for them. I don't know much about their lives. They had names, they had faces, and I just prayed that God would powerfully keep them in their faith. I hope to see them in heaven, if not in this life.
Sometimes we had free time to play volleyball and soccer at church. The church girls were really very good at volleyball. It was extremely fun and challenging that they can play as well as guys like me. Actually much better. I still remember some of their names: Cet, Mai, Ah Jit. The soccer kids too: Ah Kan, Ben, Gwee, Nat. They are really a carefree bunch. Village life is really simple. We wondered what they did at night, but probably they have nothing much other than their television, and they probably slept early too. I missed all the breath-taking views - the mountains, the mud, the padi fields, the river streams, the boars, the cows. There was so little cement around. On my spiritual retreat I took a good 20 minutes to tour a part of the village. It was beautiful and tranquil, like the Shire in Lord of the Rings. Sometimes the sun shone through the clouds to create beautiful orange shades on the massive mountains. It was breathtaking.
Then there were the faithful folks in the Singapore team. Always nice to hear Auntie Siew Moey sing Chinese songs. "除你以外，在天上我还能有谁？" Such faithfulness and joy in the Lord. Auntie Foong Fun won Caring Mother award for such care for her daughter. The unwavering service of Nantarat and Pracha are also very inspiring. Dr Eugene's hard work in ministering to patients with no complaints, full of joy is also something to learn. The team was also surprisingly easy to relate to - very very Singaporean speaking Singlish and all the common jokes, as though we already knew each other beforehand. Ah, not to forget the ridiculous Hangman on Gracie's phone that we played at the back of the truck. Htwooh. Zeroklas. Birdy. Even Somchai's name appeared.
Then it was time to wave goodbye to everyone. I still owe Nat his cap that I lost to the wind's brute strength while on the truck. I'll buy him one if I can go back. Back in Singapore, I missed the simple life and people over at Ban Orn. I couldn't stand it when I was in my room this morning, so I went out to cycle, all the way to East Coast Park, where I did my quiet time, by the beach, by the wind, all alone, and prayed. It was the closest thing to Ban Orn I could find here.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
In the Midst of Our Incredibly Happy God
"[The Lord] will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love" (Zep 3:17)
What will the end be like for Christians? Zephaniah tells us two things:
1) There will be absence of judgement, evil and fear.
The Lord has taken away the judgements against you; he has cleared away your enemies. (Zep 3:15) Under the King, there can be no more fear. Not against evil, for God's enemies are totally removed, and no longer fear of wrath and punishment, for all judgements were already paid by the blood of the Lamb. It reminds us what it means to live under a protective, loving Shepherd (Ps 23).
2) We will be in the presence of an incredibly happy God.
It is often obscure to think of God as a happy God. We like to think of Him as a holy and solemn God who breaks more easily into judgment than joy. We associate God with saving and not singing. Yet singing is exactly what He does, as Zephaniah tells us. He will exult over you with loud singing (Zep 3:17). In the end of days God will be so exuberantly joyful of His people that he breaks out into songs of joy, for it is a people He Himself has claimed by His Son's blood. It is an amazing picture of God's joy in seeing His unblemished bride. If the angels rejoice over a sinner's repentance, how much more will God Himself rejoice! And so we, God's people look forward to bask in this eternal joy of God in heaven.
As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. (Isaiah 62:5)
he will quiet you by his love" (Zep 3:17)
What will the end be like for Christians? Zephaniah tells us two things:
1) There will be absence of judgement, evil and fear.
The Lord has taken away the judgements against you; he has cleared away your enemies. (Zep 3:15) Under the King, there can be no more fear. Not against evil, for God's enemies are totally removed, and no longer fear of wrath and punishment, for all judgements were already paid by the blood of the Lamb. It reminds us what it means to live under a protective, loving Shepherd (Ps 23).
2) We will be in the presence of an incredibly happy God.
It is often obscure to think of God as a happy God. We like to think of Him as a holy and solemn God who breaks more easily into judgment than joy. We associate God with saving and not singing. Yet singing is exactly what He does, as Zephaniah tells us. He will exult over you with loud singing (Zep 3:17). In the end of days God will be so exuberantly joyful of His people that he breaks out into songs of joy, for it is a people He Himself has claimed by His Son's blood. It is an amazing picture of God's joy in seeing His unblemished bride. If the angels rejoice over a sinner's repentance, how much more will God Himself rejoice! And so we, God's people look forward to bask in this eternal joy of God in heaven.
As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. (Isaiah 62:5)
Monday, July 18, 2011
Only the Humble Survives
"Seek righteousness, seek humility, perhaps you may be hidden on the day of the anger of the LORD" - Zephaniah 2:3
The people who have opposed God are those who trusted in themselves, in their own riches, their own buildings and power. Therefore God through Zephaniah sounds a warning: there will be utter and complete destruction of the proud, and neither their silver nor their gold shall be able to deliver them on the day of the wrath of the LORD (Zep 1:18). Earth's riches and human strength would not be able to withstand God's intense judgment upon the proud nation.
Fast forward to Chapter 3 and the end of Zephaniah shows us a picture of who's left behind in the kingdom of God: only the humble survives. I will remove in your midst your proudly exultant ones. I will leave in your midst a people humble and lowly. They shall seek refuge in the name of the Lord (Zep 3:11-13). Thus God's people are in the end, the truly humble, the ones who trust and obey God while the proud are sieved out of the kingdom of God at the very end.
The only way to escape that fierce judgment is to follow the way of the LORD. Seek humility, He says.
It is no wonder that humility is so lacking in many of us who are still being transformed. Only Christ is perfectly humble, and Paul exhorts us in Philippians to see him as our example. He laid down his glory to suffer a death of servants, even death on the cross (Phil 2). And God exalted Him to the highest place. Thus Paul says, in humility count others more significant than yourselves (Phil 2:3), to put others' interests above ours.
This is always a hard thing to do, in our pride. How many churches would not split, how many relationships would be preserved if humility is practiced extensively! Yet by nature we want to win, be it arguments, popularity, recognition, and ultimately preserve our own pride. Nobody loves to lose and give in. Yet the example of our Lord Jesus shows us that to lose now is to win in the end. To be humble now is to be exalted and glorious in the end. This is the counter-cultural way of our King, and we as servants will do well to imitate Him. We need the Spirit's help to bend our rotten self-centered wills to possess Christlike, others-centered love.
Application
Humility is what I was thinking about in my latest quarrel with Q. Often times I find her reluctant to admit her mistakes and say 'sorry', while most of the time I would readily confess my mistakes and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes she would refuse to say while I wait for the apology. And sometimes she would say, "What do you want from me?" So I get either no apology at all, or insincere apologies. This shows that there is much pride left to mortify, by God's grace. The way of humility is to be God-dependent, and others-centered. We should not be afraid to apologize, and expose our sinfulness to each other. May God give us this mind of Christ.
Remember, ultimately, only the humble survives and lives with God.
The people who have opposed God are those who trusted in themselves, in their own riches, their own buildings and power. Therefore God through Zephaniah sounds a warning: there will be utter and complete destruction of the proud, and neither their silver nor their gold shall be able to deliver them on the day of the wrath of the LORD (Zep 1:18). Earth's riches and human strength would not be able to withstand God's intense judgment upon the proud nation.
Fast forward to Chapter 3 and the end of Zephaniah shows us a picture of who's left behind in the kingdom of God: only the humble survives. I will remove in your midst your proudly exultant ones. I will leave in your midst a people humble and lowly. They shall seek refuge in the name of the Lord (Zep 3:11-13). Thus God's people are in the end, the truly humble, the ones who trust and obey God while the proud are sieved out of the kingdom of God at the very end.
The only way to escape that fierce judgment is to follow the way of the LORD. Seek humility, He says.
It is no wonder that humility is so lacking in many of us who are still being transformed. Only Christ is perfectly humble, and Paul exhorts us in Philippians to see him as our example. He laid down his glory to suffer a death of servants, even death on the cross (Phil 2). And God exalted Him to the highest place. Thus Paul says, in humility count others more significant than yourselves (Phil 2:3), to put others' interests above ours.
This is always a hard thing to do, in our pride. How many churches would not split, how many relationships would be preserved if humility is practiced extensively! Yet by nature we want to win, be it arguments, popularity, recognition, and ultimately preserve our own pride. Nobody loves to lose and give in. Yet the example of our Lord Jesus shows us that to lose now is to win in the end. To be humble now is to be exalted and glorious in the end. This is the counter-cultural way of our King, and we as servants will do well to imitate Him. We need the Spirit's help to bend our rotten self-centered wills to possess Christlike, others-centered love.
Application
Humility is what I was thinking about in my latest quarrel with Q. Often times I find her reluctant to admit her mistakes and say 'sorry', while most of the time I would readily confess my mistakes and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes she would refuse to say while I wait for the apology. And sometimes she would say, "What do you want from me?" So I get either no apology at all, or insincere apologies. This shows that there is much pride left to mortify, by God's grace. The way of humility is to be God-dependent, and others-centered. We should not be afraid to apologize, and expose our sinfulness to each other. May God give us this mind of Christ.
Remember, ultimately, only the humble survives and lives with God.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Steadfast Love of God
"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love..." - Ps 51:1
The first thing that David thought of God when he sinned with his adultery with Bathsheba and senseless murder of Uriah is the steadfast love of God. It is called 'hesed' in Hebrew and is found many times in the Old Testament that recounts the character of God. The idea connotes not only of God's immense love, but the loyalty and faithfulness of that love. God's love perseveres despite His children's repeated rebellion, and their moments of folly. God's love cannot run dry for His beloved children. This is great comfort. If you are a child of God, no amount of sin would cause God to stop showering his love for you. His love endures forever.
David knew he needed mercy. But thankfully his God is a merciful God. God's mercies are new every morning. I too have sinned like David. My sin may not be as spectacular as David's, and neither was my position as grand and significant as David's. I did not commit adultery and murder in the explicit and spectacular fashion that David did, but lust and murder is definitely in my heart in small measures. I am not, like David, a redemptive figure, an Israelite king, a vessel through which God blesses the world, a type of Christ. Yet if a man as important as David in the sight of God, committed sins as hideous as he did, could be forgiven by a merciful God, and be restored by Him, surely my sins can be forgiven and I can be renewed by the same God! By looking at David's example, one need not despair of his sins.
It is amazing how in many places Scripture describes David as an obedient and righteous man, as though the Bathsheba/Uriah episode never happened. It was as though God's Word was deliberately selective, or blind to David's hideous sins. It was the steadfast love of God that transformed David from a sinner to have the power to live obediently for God again. It was the steadfast love of God that allowed God to not remember David's sins, and not to hold it against him. It was the steadfast love of God, that ultimately He sent Christ, the son of David, to die so that you and me, filthy and rotten sinners, can stand before Him every day, righteous and perfect in his sight.
There is not one day that you can live outside of God's hesed, outside His amazing, loyal love for you. Thanks be to God!
The first thing that David thought of God when he sinned with his adultery with Bathsheba and senseless murder of Uriah is the steadfast love of God. It is called 'hesed' in Hebrew and is found many times in the Old Testament that recounts the character of God. The idea connotes not only of God's immense love, but the loyalty and faithfulness of that love. God's love perseveres despite His children's repeated rebellion, and their moments of folly. God's love cannot run dry for His beloved children. This is great comfort. If you are a child of God, no amount of sin would cause God to stop showering his love for you. His love endures forever.
David knew he needed mercy. But thankfully his God is a merciful God. God's mercies are new every morning. I too have sinned like David. My sin may not be as spectacular as David's, and neither was my position as grand and significant as David's. I did not commit adultery and murder in the explicit and spectacular fashion that David did, but lust and murder is definitely in my heart in small measures. I am not, like David, a redemptive figure, an Israelite king, a vessel through which God blesses the world, a type of Christ. Yet if a man as important as David in the sight of God, committed sins as hideous as he did, could be forgiven by a merciful God, and be restored by Him, surely my sins can be forgiven and I can be renewed by the same God! By looking at David's example, one need not despair of his sins.
It is amazing how in many places Scripture describes David as an obedient and righteous man, as though the Bathsheba/Uriah episode never happened. It was as though God's Word was deliberately selective, or blind to David's hideous sins. It was the steadfast love of God that transformed David from a sinner to have the power to live obediently for God again. It was the steadfast love of God that allowed God to not remember David's sins, and not to hold it against him. It was the steadfast love of God, that ultimately He sent Christ, the son of David, to die so that you and me, filthy and rotten sinners, can stand before Him every day, righteous and perfect in his sight.
There is not one day that you can live outside of God's hesed, outside His amazing, loyal love for you. Thanks be to God!
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